Hello Laui, Nihau, Nihau! My name Sifu Dansac, I am Kung Fu Master, I am once again seething mad and spitting feathers of frustrated fury at the lying bullshit lies of the politicians on TV. Some of you loyal Laui out there might have read Sifu's last rant about bio-fuels and thought to you self; “Hey, this Sifu fella is just a nut ranting about Nazis.”
Well aren't you, Sifu?
Sure, and him Sifu make no apology; the world will always need ranting comedy Chinaman, if only for to stop people getting too serious about themselves. But Sifu accept that last rant was mostly about Nazi history of biofuels; Sifu think the Nazi link is the main point. In a nutshell, biofuels are not new technology, they were invent by Nazis just prior to WWII for to mount war on Russia.
What, There's More?
There is now, Laui. Sifu have get up off him sofa and interrupt him drinking of tea and smoking of cigarettes to bring all you Laui breaking news. The people at European Union, those nice people in them nice suits who run everything in Europe and are the main lobbyists in favor of biofuels, have had a bit of a re-think.
Apparently, the people at the EU, the professional people who are highly paid to get things right and not endanger the lives and livelihoods of millions of people, got it wrong about bio-fuels. Apparently them did not realize the inherent dangers of burning food crops for fuel. Apparently, none of them equally highly paid experts, mentioned that food is cheap and fuel is pricey, and that therefore farmers would go over to fuel production in order to cash in, leaving a worldwide deficit in food.
Apparently no-one realized that the highly lucrative trade in beef-burgers already driving deforestation of the Amazon jungle would be made considerable worse by creating another, even more lucrative product for the slash-and-burn industry to cash-in on in the form of biofuels. Apparently no one realized, no one said anything and no-one knew any of that. No one. None of the politicians, none of them advisers, none of them scientists or experts; no one realized. None of them reports and investigations turned up anything that in any way suggested that might be the case.
But sifu, it's so obvious, i mean if you ask a farmer whether he wants to eke out a living growing spuds or strike it reach making fuel, there's really only one option, especially if said farmer lives in a third-world country and switching to bio-fuels might give him a shot at the wealthy western lifestyle…
Exactly (for American Laui, "spud" is English for "potato"). And there was one person who realized. One person who, when all the "good" news about biofuels was being touted, sat forward off him couch in horror and stared at the TV with him mouth agape, choking on him own tongue and shouting. “What? Are all you Laui crazy stupid?” There was one person who realized all the problems of biofuels in the space of a moment and has been desperately shouting at an indifferent world ever since.
Wow, Who is This Amazing Soothsayer?
Well him not a sodding politician, or an "expert", or even a proper scientist, and him certainly not paid hundreds of thousands every year for to know about complex issues of world food and politics and the environment. This amazing person, who foresaw all the problems attending biofuels from the comfort of him own couch, is him Sifu Dansac!
That right, Laui it was me! And you know why Sifu saw the truth, and has been telling you all for months the real facts of the matter? Because it was totally bleeding obvious, that's why! Hmm, let Sifu think about it in a faux American accent; “I'm a farmer, what am I gonna grow? Let's see, food cheap, fuel expensive, gee, that's a no-brainer…”
It Can't Be That Obvious, Sifu, Otherwise the EU Would Have Known.
Yeah, Laui, you'd think so, wouldn't you? You'd think that all these people paid so highly for them jobs would spot the totally bloody obvious right away. You'd think at least one expert, somewhere in the world, would have call them and say “Uh, guys, about this biofuel thing…”, but apparently no!
Apparently?
Damn you Laui are gullible; of course the people at the EU knew, of course them scientists and experts told them, of course, of course, of course… They just kept quiet about it because bio-fuels are potentially so profitable, not to mention the fact that they would neatly solve the problem of world over-population by starving half the people on Earth; definitely don't mention that one, Laui, don't mention the fucking elephant in the room! (For American Laui, "the elephant in the room" is an English expression used to denote something massive and unmissable, but which remain apparently invisible and unremarked, even when pointed out and identified).
Well, Gee, Sifu, No One Around Here Realised Biofuels Were Bad.
Because all the bloody experts at the EU and other places told you they were good, Laui. They told you biofuels were good and they got out them chart and read off them statistics, them brought in expert and scientist to explain in all long words and told you happy story about how it would work and you could keep eating beef and driving car, them put on ad campaigns with the help of Sky TV… them really push the boat out to convince you all that this crazy food-burning thing was a good idea.
And guess what: They were fucking lying! Of course they knew, it was totally transparent from the start and the latest twist is equally so; they were lying then and they are lying now and they will keep on lying long into the future. It is that famous Spiral of Deceit some Laui may have hear Sifu ranting on about from time to time.
So What Now?
Now, Laui? You ask Sifu about what now? Now Sifu despair of Laui civilization, that what now. Sifu sit all alone in him secret HQ, waiting for the inevitable collapse of you dumb society. When that happens and all you leaders are dead, Sifu will be waiting to take over in Glorious Ninja Revolution, that what now. Until that day, Sifu only say, as him have say before:
The world shall hear from me again.
