Say, you want a happy marriage, enduring love and an amazing sex life, right?
Get ready to have your wheels pulled off.
Read carefully….
Tip number 1: Thou shalt have no other sex god or goddess beside the one you sleep with
Yes, the person you're currently sleeping with is a sex God or Goddess. Well, at least she or he likes to thing so. That's how you see yourself anyway…right?
Sooo, except, of course, you happened to find a better one; serving and servicing two Sex Gods or Goddesses at the same time can lead to burdensome complications.
For example, leaving your sex God or Goddess at home to get inside the 'Temple' of another, or let another inside 'Your Temple' may result in sex-inspired jealousies, which may produce the direst of consequences.
Thus, you may have to reconsider your willingness to sexually serve a sex God or Goddess beside the one you're already committed to. As you will see below, this is called cheating or adultery or shall we say; sexual Idolatry?
Therefore, if you're prone to such Idol worship, you may have to be prepared to bear the costs associated with this form of idolatry. Still, can't say it isn't fun!
Tip number 2: Thou shalt have no idols…in heaven or on tv
Men: Thou shalt not THINK of Paula Abdul or Paris Hilton or that college sweetheart and then make unto thee a graven image of your wife in their likeness.
Women: Thou shalt not THINK of Elvis or Michael Jackson or Brad Pit and then make unto thee a graven image of your husband in their likeness.
...it wouldn't be fair!
Tip number 3: Thou shalt not ...God forbid...Moan someone else's name During Love Making...no exceptions!
Although he or she come may come to mind during such pivotal, coming moment, thou shalt resist -with thy might - the urge to utter, moan or groan your other squeeze's name during sex.
As serious as Global Warming, such lascivious act carries the gravest of relationship disasters. And, the Lord might not be able to hold you guiltless of cheating.
So, during sex, let words of thy and the meditation of thy heart sing praises only to the God or Goddess you Thrust or Thrusts you.
Tip number 4: Thou shalt keep the sabbath day dedicated exclusively for sex.
Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work; and given the constraints of work, life priorities, schedules and deadlines pressures, thou shalt set a few minutes aside during the week to engage in quickies.
Saturdays, however, Thou shalt spend most your time in bed having…well you know…Sex, Love and Junk Food!
Oh...ah…Yes! On Sundays, thou shalt skip the morning church-service, and instead, thou shalt honor the Lord by making love. And, thou shalt use a variety of positions other than the standard missionary. Thou shalt also include using your mouth frequently down his bully pulpit or hers altar while both simultaneously savor each other's delicious communion juices.
As a true act of unselfish, divine give-and-take; you the woman in reverent prayer shall say unto him, "behold I offer you unto thee my God, my delicious body…get down on me and eat me!" Likewise, you the man, shalt say unto her, “behold I offer unto thee Goddess, my juice…get down on me and drink!”
Given the importance of this ritual, from now on, thou shalt attend Sunday Church service, in the evenings only. Your pastor may resent this competition…but the Lord will understand your sacrifice.
Tip number 5: Honor your parents ...or is it, honor what was inside their pants?
Either way, regardless of how you came into this world, thou shalt always honor your Mother and your Father. Because, had they not --- in that fateful day --- looked at each other's eyes and decided to have sex, you wouldn't be reading this now.
Thus honor them; keeping in mind your Parents could have been a pair of rattlesnake instead. But Natural Selection decided they should be human. A narrow and frightening prospect, don't you think?
Tip number 6: Thou shalt not kill
Thou shalt not kill your lover with boredom or cause he or she to kill themselves because of it.
According to research presented in Build Your Boyd for Life Sex and Love a bestselling ($ 20.99 paperback, Authorhouse, 1663 Liberty, Suite 200Bloomington, IN 47403) 396-page, a number one rated fully pictured new book on health and fitness; sexual boredom can create Biological Discontentment in your partner.
In turn, Biological Discontentment may lead to build up of unexpressed feelings which include self-mutilation, depression and self-hatred, even premature death. In some cases, talk of suicide and even homicide has been attributed to sexual boredom.
