Back when I was a kid I tried setting up a lemonade stand. I borrowed some money from my parents, bought supplies, found a location to sell my product, and gave it my best shot. I failed miserably and ended up owing my parents $23.48 since I didn't sell enough to make anywhere near a profit.
Now if I had that $23.48 back then to invest, and invest properly, I could have made a tidy little sum over the years (especially catching Yahoo and Google during their IPO...) So, since my financial investments performed poorly back then as a kid (maybe it was the location because I know it was good lemonade...) I'm in more debt now as an adult than I would have been had I actually made that money.
Therefore I'd like to formally request that the US government sends me a little bit of their bailout money once they finally agree how to waste the rest of my tax money. I don't want anywhere near the $700 billion they're talking about, even just a couple hundred thousand would suffice to fully get me out of debt (mortgage and all) and back to being able to fully inject all of my current hard earned earnings back into the economy.
Come on Uncle Sam! Brother, can you spare a quarter million?
