Mr. or Ms. Right

I have never really bought into the theory that there is a “Mr. or Ms. Right”. I am currently on my second marriage and I am not even thirty yet. I think most people need the comfort the thought of finding the “perfect mate” gives them. It is their way of dealing with all the horrible dates they have been on. If the theory of “Mr. and Ms. Right” is incorrect or unlikely then the practice of dating and using trial and error to find the “one” would no longer be necessary. We could all sit back and go about our daily lives until, as luck would have it, we find ourselves married to someone. That kind of takes all the fun out of it though. Why go and taste all the chocolates in the box when you are just going to choose the one you started with.

Keeping with my theory on chocolates I have found that I never like to pick a chocolate that too resembles what I would want to be if I were a chocolate. This is meaning that throughout my experience I have found dating people similar to me creates constant arguing. I have almost always found individuals who were more of a “fatal attraction”. I blame this solely on my parents who have been married for almost thirty years. They were complete opposites: different social classes, education levels, and completely different interest. According to the assumption that homogamous relationships workout best then they should have been miserable. Not saying that all relationships work this way but it does leave some playing room for those of us who like to go against the grain.

I think people put too much effort into finding a mate. They go based on strategy instead of feelings. If the world was a perfect place then maybe it would make sense to look for a “perfect mate”. I know that I do not feel comfortable using dating sites, dating advertisements in papers or joining singles groups. If I wanted to place myself in a cesspool I could go to any sleazy, dump of a bar and achieve the same results. I always want to say to people who use these means of dating: “Are you stupid? Hello, serial killers and rapists are looking for you.” Why put intellect into something that should be more instinct than anything? For example, I have been married for a year today, I did not sit and look at numbers to determine how likely it was that my husband and I would be compatible. I just went with the gut feeling, so to speak. I could be wrong I could be divorced by this time next year but at least I can say that I took the risk and be damned the consequences. I would then be put back in the “potluck” to stew awhile.

When I was dating I did not give a single thought to whether that individual would make a good family man. Honestly, I had no intention to marry in the first place. They say that men tend to look for attractive people and women tend to look more at how good of a family person that guy would be. If that is true then I do not see how anyone is married. A lot of men have the peter pan syndrome; which can be good with children but more work for the woman. In today's world a lot of women no longer want to be mothers. I know several women who have had kids too soon and ended up basically abandoning them. I think marriage often becomes something of convenience. Which that could explain why so many people find it necessary to have a strategy to date by. If you want a rich guy go hang out at the country club. That seems so methodical and cold.

I can see the validity of having a strategy for dating if you are concerned with finding someone who is of the same social class, education level, similar upbringing and same religion. For someone like myself who believes that since this is America that such restrictions should not be placed upon finding a mate then they do not make sense. What is the point of love if it has boundaries and price tags? Furthermore, this just seems to be one more way to keep the social classes intact. No need for anyone to feel as if they can get someone “above them” because we are still in the archaic way of thinking that one could not understand the other if they can not quote the great American novel.

Anyway, according to sociology marriage is nothing more than an institution that can regulate childbearing and sexual activity. There is no room for romance in that thought. I can see the truth in that definition. As my professor in college would say: “Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to be institutionalized.” My personal opinion on marriage is that it works for some and not for others. I can agree with people who say that being married to the same person for the rest of your life is unnatural. I know I have asked many married couples how they keep from getting bored by the end of their first decade of marriage. They always reply that there is something new everyday. Maybe they had a strategy for dating. I guess I will see how it turns out.