Because all of us are only human and we cannot read the other persons mind, even if sometimes we are good at guessing their thoughts, relationship tension can build up from time to time. After all partnership is two individuals each with their own needs and goals, and no matter how similar we might be, we are not clones, which leads to disagreement on certain matters.
The best relationship advice
Relationship problems are like a pot of boiling water. The sooner you address the issue, the less probability of it boiling over.
This is why communication in a relationship is very important. Both verbal and non-verbal. Telling your partner what troubles you is the quickest and easiest way of addressing issues. Our body language can sometimes give away our true intentions, however not everyone is good at reading the subtle signals. At the same times, sometimes we pretend so well, that even the non-verbal signals are false.
What to communicate
- Things you are unhappy about
- Things you ARE happy about
- Things that are important to you
- Your life goals
- Your daily problems
- The borders you are not comfortable crossing
- The borders you will not cross
- The rules the relationship is supposed to abide
Although the final points might look strange, they are quite important. It obviously isn't about creating a rule book, which both partners will follow religiously like two robots. However people do have different levels of openness and moral values, and making sure your partner knows what yours are, and vice versa can help prevent problems.
There are couples that enjoy a very open relationship, but there are others that are very possessive. If you do not communicate your limits, your partner might falsely assume you will be OK with certain activities.
How to communicate
Firstly whenever possible try to avoid an argument. At the same time, this does not mean sitting quietly and sobbing in a corner when your partner is not looking. Shouting and screaming usually makes people defensive and less receptive to criticism, which is why you should try to express your concerns or wishes in a calm manner.
Secondly, which is a sort of number one rule: avoid being accusational. Instead of saying "You make me..." use "I feel", change "You are a lazy slob because you left dirty dishes in the sink" to "It would be so nice if I could get some help with the dishes". These are just examples. Try to think how you would feel if someone told you something you did not like.
Often your partner might have different perception of your surroundings or a different scale of importance. It's bad if they ignore you a hundred times once you communicated something; however remember to give them a chance to start with.
Moreover honesty is a must. It matters how things are said, but if you hate his dirty socks on the bed, say it. In this example do not give hints by referring to his lack of cleanliness - if it is socks that bother you, tell him about the socks, period.
Try to keep things simple, and tackle one issue at a time. If you jump out with a list of a hundred problems your partner might feel cornered, and start wondering if you actually love him, or something else, if you want to change him so much. At the same time, maybe you should ask yourself why are you with your partner if you want to turn him or her into something totally different.
