On May 15 I was at Jdeydet Marjaayun at the home of comrade Asaad Rahhal. I was to return to Beirut the next morning.
I didn't sleep that night. So did Rahhal and some other comrades who were in the house.
We were waiting for the midnight attack that was announced and promised. We were waiting for that victorious attack that would liberate Palestine…
The Lebanese army was supposed to attack from the army barracks at Marjaayun and al Khiyam towards al Mutelleh and al Howleh in the northern sector, while the damascene army was going to attack al Howleh and Tabarayya from the east, the Julan Heights, and thus defeat the Jews in by surrounding them from both sides.
The hours were moving slowly. We went to the southern part of the village to be nearer to the action. We wanted to see the bombs explode in al Mutelleh, a Jewish village about 5 kilometers away. We wanted to see how the Jews would react to such an unexpected attack and how were they going to retreat defeated and unorganized against this courageous attack…
The time came and our hearts started pounding. 10 minutes passed. 15 minutes passed. Half an hour past. One hour, two hours passed… Not even one bullet was heard from the Lebanese side toward al Mutelleh whose lights were in front of us as normal as ever. We didn't hear any artillery fire from the Syrian Julan. Not even one bomb fell on al Howleh that was so close to our position.
We went back with more questions than when we got there. Our tongues were speechless. We didn't sleep that night…
At six in the morning I and comrade Rahhal started toward Beirut. I had the 2 lists when I reached the party headquarters. We wanted to meet comrade Qaddura. Instead we met with comrade Salim al Khuri, his second in command.
I gave him both lists and I told him that the comrades were anxious and eager. We were surprised when he didn't return our enthusiasm. On the contrary, we were met with his sobering eyes as if they wanted to tell us to hold down a minute.
I was quick to ask him:
- What's the matter comrade Khuri? Is there some sort of retreat by the party regarding the war?
No…The party didn't and will not retreat from its stance. However, the retread happened and will happen again, since we have leaders who announce that they are going to fight when they are not serious about that. Moreover, they try to even force the party from retreating from its announced motives of liberating Palestine.
I exploded. I started shouting in anger against the party's stance. I said:
Nobody can stop the party from fighting. The boarders with Palestine are open. So please you and the director of defense come with us and lead us to the border. We at Marjaayun are ready to cross the border in the name of the party. If you are not ready to do that, at least give us the weapons and we will do the rest by attacking the Kibbutz's and Jewish farms and settlements.
I don't remember that before that day I had ever raised my voice against a higher ranking party member. Comrade Khuri apparently understood my situation and told me in respectful manner:
- I don't hold a grudge against you my dear comrade, since I know you very well and now how disciplined you are. Go now and meet with Saadeh. He will explain the situation and the party's stance and the reasons for that to you. If you want discuss these issues with him so that your doubts are shattered.
- Yes we are going to meet Saadeh and discuss the matter with him
As I answered him I took the two lists that I had put on the desk in front of him. I went out with Rahhal to go to Saadeh's home in Ras Beirut.
We sat for about half an hour in the salon at Saadeh's Ras Beirut home. We were angry and sorry at the same time. He came out with a very sad face. He had the “111” sign on his forehead (this was the sign of anger that was represented by three vertical lines on his forehead. If he stressed on it more it would make a sign similar to the Lebanese Cedar tree). I immediately understood that the vice director of defense had called him what had happened with us at the party headquarters.
We stood and saluted him. He saluted us and sat in front of his desk. He started talking by uttering some harsh words to me:
