How did the leader and his family live during this period? When I left Argentina I had some money with me from the proceeds of the furniture sale and what my brother had given me for just in case. I paid for our travel and stay in Genoa out of this money. . I had also received a check for $1,500 when I was in Brazil dining with some of our friends. I gave that check to Saadeh upon my return. When we decided to move to Ras Beirut Saadeh gave the check to some comrades who were tasked with finding us a house for rent. They paid some of the money for rent and the rest-most of the money-was used for printing. The check was handled by comrade Rafiq al Ashqar. I had some money left and I was using it for our expenses. Soon this money evaporated and I mad nothing but the golden coins that my brother had given to me in Argentina. . I used the golden pieces too until they were gone. I was even going to sell my golden ring and watch to make ends meet when one of the good hearted party members, Fadil Antiba, said that that was enough. “Yesterday you sold your golden pieces. Today you are selling the ring and the watch. What are you going to do in two months?” The member told comrades that something had to be done and a pension must be decided so that the leader or his wife would not worry about daily living expenses. I was told that a decision was taken to pay my husband 150 liras on a monthly basis. I was told how I wanted to receive the money? I told that it would be best my friend Fayiza Antiba [Fadil's wife] would bring it to me.
This was how we lived. We had to be extremely economical in our spending habits, since I also had to feed the guards in and around the house. I told the leader that the monthly allowance was not enough. He told me to ask comrade Zakki Nasif, who told me that he will take care of the issue.
I found that I was pregnant just after settling in Beirut. I wasn't happy, since I knew that being pregnant in such a hot political situation was going to be trouble. . We did not have any furniture in the house. We had brought only those few things that were in the mountain home. Few months later these were asked back by their owners. We spent some time without even a bed for us or for the children.
When I speak about those tiring days all I hear is the leader's encouraging words in these dire instances. He was sleeping on a broken bed and still he would not mind. He did not have something to cover himself at night because he had given everything to the guards. We were living in sub standard conditions. He would tell me that whoever is carrying a big cause on his arms does not care about such living conditions. Comrade Yussif Taj was really disturbed when he saw the leader sleeping on the broken bed one day. He directly went and bought beds and covers for us as well as a dining table and some chairs. Now at least we had a place where guests could sit if they visited us.
The leader had gotten some money when he was in Duhur al Shuwayr in 1947. He gave it to the comrades during a meeting. His cousin, Elias Muja'es did not allow it and took the money and put it in his pocket. Later he took Saadeh to the monastery near Duhur al Shuwayr and told him that the monks were selling some parcels and that Saadeh had to buy one parcel with the money so that he could later build a house over it. It so happened and a house was erected on the land. However, Saadeh did not have time to live in that house. I used to see monks coming and going beside the house. I stopped one of them for guidance one day. He turned to me with tears in his eyes. He loved the leader and told me that he had a long talk with him at one time. He mentioned that he saw him as an extremely intelligent and selfless man. Hearing these remarks were very precious and made me really happy.
Meetings at Duhur al Shuwayr with party members and political leaders took much of the leader's time. We would only see him alone late at night when the children were sleeping. He would go and kiss them and see that the windows in their room were closed. We would sit down to talk a bit. I would urge him to go to sleep since he would wake up early the next morning. He would say that it was important for him to sit idle those several minutes to empty his head and to have some time with me. . He would brief me about the most important events of the day, or about the activities of some of the comrades. I would give him my opinion regarding some issues. I think I forgot most of the issues we used to discuss. I only remember bits of it now.
