I reached my hotel room at three in the morning. I wanted to be beside my husband. I put the kids and the maid at the house of a comrade so that I can be near my husband. Next day was Sunday, July 3, 1949 Edil visited me at the hotel and I asked her to give me a room in her house. She said that she was sorry and could not offer me a room since she had other renters in the house.
I asked the same thing from comrade Najib. I wanted to be away from the eyes of the security forces and be able to see my husband more. He promised that he will look into the issue and went.
Next day Maaruf Saab visited me. We talked about what would happen if the revolution failed and on how could we keep Saadeh safe? This conversation too ended without a tangible result.
On Tuesday the news of the revolution's failure were in all the newspapers. I was angry that nobody listened to me when I brought about the very important subject of this failure. When SSNP leader Ajjaj al Mukhtar came to visit me I shouted at him in a voice filled with pain and agony. "Take me to my husband. I want to be with him,” I told him. “Put me in any place but take me away from this hotel room,” I shouted and continued: “Just let me live in a room and know who their owners are.” Only one answer kept coming to me; “Please be patient Mrs. Saadeh. Give us a couple of days and we will find you a house.” This is what comrade Najib Shuwayri told me too. I felt that none of them understood my true feelings and the disturbance that engulfed me.
As soon as it was Wednesday I decided to do something against my conscience. I did this because at the time I believed that those who were telling me that they could not take me to the leader were seeing him every day but were not allowed to comply with my request of seeing my husband. I also believed that nobody was aware of the level of my disturbance. It was eleven o"clock in the morning when Maaruf Saab and Bashir Musally visited me. Maaruf told me that Saadeh was going to meet Syria's new president, Husni al Za'im at ten o'clock that night at the Presidential Palace. This news came like a lightning on my head. I was thinking for a long time how high a price we had paid for allying ourselves with this stance-shifting person. As soon as I heard Maaruf talking about the meeting I shouted: “What kind of understanding can we have with this person who betrayed us more than once? How can we put our faith in him? I only see him as a person who shifts sides as it suites him. So how can we trust him after this revolution?” I pleaded to comrade Bashir: “I can not stay here for a minute. I want to go where Saadeh is. I want to talk to him. I want to tell him that I am very disturbed regarding his meeting with this Husni al Za'im guy. What is the matter with you? You come and you go and you see my husband, while I, his wife, can not see him even for a moment.”
Maaruf told me that they had no time and that the leader was now in a far place which only he knew. I told him: “do you have time if I throw myself from the balcony. Would not you be required to arrange for my funeral? Is not this a more consuming job than taking me to see Saadeh for ten minutes? I am getting mad at the way you are treating me. Maaruf told me that he can not take me and that he had no place for me. However, he said that comrade Bashir will take me to his home. He also mentioned before he left that he expects a lot of good from this meeting with al Za'im. I told him that I do not expect any good from the meeting. “How,” I concluded would this meeting generate any good when all the meetings before the defunct revolution were bad?”
I took my daughters and my maid and went to comrade Bashir's home. We decided to leave our suitcases at the hotel so that the guards would not notice that we were leaving for good. We also asked comrade George Baladi who worked at the Ministry of Commerce near Barada Hotel to pay the hotel bill and bring the suitcases in the afternoon to comrade Bashir's home.
