As a caterer and banquet manager I've witnessed multitudes of wedding faux pas, etiquette no-no's and just plain old tacky people. Whether you are an invited guest to an upcoming spring wedding or you are planning your own wedding, here are some crucial hints for carrying yourself with class, knowing the expectations and partying with style.
Engagement Parties
Once a couple announces their engagement, a close friend or family member may choose to throw them a congratulatory engagement party. The couple themselves may want to throw the party as a way of getting together with friends and family to celebrate their exciting news. This is an additional event and is in no way thrown for the purpose of receiving gifts. Therefore, if you are throwing any such party do NOT add any details about where the couple is registered in the invite or make any suggestive remarks about gifts. The guests at the engagement party should not feel pressured to buy a gift for attending the party. However, if a guest wishes to bring a gift, any of the following would be appropriate, assuming the couple has not yet registered: restaurant gift cards, a wedding planner book, shopping gift cards, toasting glasses, or even gift cards for airfare for the honeymoon.
RSVP
For those of you who don't know what this means, it's French for: Respond, whether you're coming or not. Pretty simple, right? Many people just don't get it and it creates a lot of stress for the person having the party. An RSVP aids the host with planning the amount of food and drinks for the event (Can you say B-double E- double R - U-N? Beer Run!) Obviously, if you RSVP, then you show up to the event. If, at the last minute something unavoidable comes up, have the courtesy to make a phone call so they are not preparing food for someone who is not there. Responding to a wedding invite is typically made very simple. In most cases, a self-addressed stamped envelope is sent and you simply scribe the number of guests who will or will not attend from your household. If the invite is addressed to your name and does not explicitly say “and guest”, then you are not to bring a guest. Always RSVP to any party, and do so as promptly as possible.
Wedding Showers
Typically, neither the mother of the bride nor the sisters of the bride throw the bridal shower, assuming there is someone else who can host. Whomever chooses to host the party should provide food and beverages, but not necessarily alcoholic beverages. It is rude to ask your guests to bring a covered dish or to provide drinks. If this is your idea of hosting a party you should step down and let someone else host and possibly offer to bring something. Throwing a shower may be a costly affair. If this is the case, and there is no one else to host the party, simply ask your close friends only to help out in sharing the cost. But do not require all guests to bring food and drinks.
At a bridal shower, gifts are given for the bride and groom. Please note, if you are unable to make it to the shower, you need not send a gift. If a bride is lucky enough, several showers will be hosted for her. If you're a member of the wedding party or you happen to be invited to more than one shower, you're not expected to attend all showers. At the shower, one of the bridesmaids or close friends should take care to write down all the gifts and from whom they were given so that the bride may send appropriate thank you cards. Persons who are not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the shower.
**Helpful hint: The bride may pass around thank you card envelopes for each guest to self-address to expedite the process of sending cards.
Thank You Cards
If you are receiving a gift of any kind, promptly send a thank you to the gift giver. This is a rule that applies to ANY gift giving. Not sending a thank you note after you've received a gift says that you are lazy, unappreciative and rude. I have sent wedding gifts in the past and when I never received my thank you card, I worried that the gifts never made it to the recipients. Thank you cards are not only sent to show your appreciation for the gift but also to acknowledge that you've received it and you enjoy it.
Wedding Gifts
When choosing a wedding gift, it is not always necessary to buy something off of the registry. If you are familiar enough with the couple to select a gift of your own imagination, then you should do so. Of course, money is always a welcome gift for any couple.
