Some people dread attending a party or other special event because they lack the requisite social skills. What's usually lacking in those sensitive souls who cower in fear at the thought of walking into a crowded room full of people is the art of making small talk. The ability to make small talk is such an important skill that it can sometimes mean the difference between having the career you love or the romance you want and being stuck in a dead end situation. Why not learn how to master the art of small talk so you can stop making lame excuses and enjoy your next party or social event?
Look For Someone You Know
When you enter a crowded party, immediately look for someone you know and feel secure with. Approach them with a smile. This is a good way to break the ice and start feeling comfortable immediately in your new setting. That person can usually introduce you to some of the other party guests so you won't feel stranded looking for someone to talk to.
Don't Try To Be Too Witty
The best small talkers aren't necessarily the smartest, wittiest, or funniest people. They simply understand the art of making people feel comfortable. When you meet someone new, casually make an observation about the surroundings such as “The crab dip is delicious” or “They decorated the ballroom beautifully, didn't they?” This is a subtle, non-threatening way to break the ice. Once the ice is broken, you can offer them your hand and a brief introduction.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
The best way to keep the conversation from running dry is to ask open ended questions that can't be answered with a one word answer. Rather than ask “How was your trip?” rephrase it as “Tell me about your trip”. This will take some of the burden off of you so you won't have to carry the entire conversation. The best small talkers are usually great listeners.
Come Prepared
Read a good newspaper such as the New York Times thoroughly before attending a party of other event. This will ensure that you're well informed and can make an intelligent remark about whatever topic is being discussed. Come prepared with potential subjects to discuss. Just make sure you don't comment about issues you know little about. Become a magnet for information and current events. This can make you a better conversationalist.
Avoid Controversial Topics
You probably already know the three main topics to avoid discussing in mixed company - politics, religion, and sex. This is still a good rule of thumb. If the conversation turns to these topics, particularly if it becomes heated, it's a good time to excuse yourself from that particular group.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Practice talking to people everywhere you go. When you're standing in line at the store, talk to the person in front of you. Talk to the waitress at a restaurant or the teller at the bank. The more you converse with people on a daily basis, the easier it becomes to talk to people in social situations.
With a little practice, you can overcome your fear of social events and become a more effective small talker.
