A Teenage Girl's Guide to Approaching HIM

There he is, so close by. It’s a great opportunity to talk to him—but of course there are complications. You’re in class, or he’s surrounded by a group of friends. And how on earth do you talk to him? Once you dispel all of your fears about approaching a guy, the rest is generally simple. But of course, if it were that easy to magically gain courage, there would be no articles on the subject.

1. First off, get into the right mindset. Tell yourself over and over again that you both are on the same level, and that he is not on any imaginary pedestal you may have put him on. He is not better than you, no matter how smart or well known or rich he is. When it comes down to it, he’s just a guy, and you’re just a girl. No other factors should get in the way of that.

2. Second, find something for you both to talk about, whether it’s homework, or events, etc. Here are some examples to slide right into a conversation:

Classroom setting:

Ask him about a homework problem, and word it with finesse.
“Hey, I know that I don’t know you very well, but my friend’s a bit preoccupied with her own work. Could you help me with this problem here?”

If there are no assignments to ask about, look around for things to use. If he’s reading a book, tell him that you’ve been looking for the same one, but can’t find it anywhere. Where did he get it? If he has a music player of any type around, point to it and ask him where he got it, or compliment it. When he answers either of those, you can ask him what music he has on it, or what he generally listens to. If you’re lucky, he may even hand it to you to scroll through the songs. Perfect.

A group outing:

You spot a guy at the far tables, surrounded by his friends. Uh-oh. Separating a guy from his friends can be one of the most difficult things a girl can do. To start, see if you can catch his eye, and smile. If he smiles back, it may be an invitation to come talk to him when they’re getting up to leave. All you have to do is sashay over, smile again, and say hi. When he says hi back, calmly introduce yourself, and then ask his name. There, conversation started. Wait to see if he says anything more, and then ask him who his friends are. Chances are, if you show an interest in them too, they may be more accepting—and it is definitely beneficial to win the friends over before you win the guy. The rest is up to you. Ask him random questions like, “Do you come here a lot?” or “What do you usually order? I’m looking for new stuff to try,” if you’re in a restaurant or fast food place. Bingo. Instant conversation.

3. Employ a bit of flirting. No, it’s not cheating, and yes, it is a learned skill; no one’s born with it. Imagine smiling confidently, and then do it. No shy little grins for you. You can be a little daring, as long as you don’t go overboard.

There are a few different types of flirting styles. The three I find most common are the Friendly type, the Sexy type, and the Cute type.

The Friendly type really isn’t flirting at all, but more asking questions as easily as if you had known him for forever. This makes him wonder whether you are interested in him that way, and any thinking of that type is bound to get him wondering whether he is interested in you that way. Sounds sneaky, but it’s pretty easy to do without even trying. To gain confidence, think of a person close to you (a best friend, perhaps), and imagine that this guy is just like him/her. What would you say to that person? How would you act around him/her? Thinking of him as a friend already can work wonders for easing the tension.

The Sexy type requires the most confidence, and this style should make him aware that you’re interested right off the bat. The Sexy type is really more about body language than what you’re actually saying. Laugh softly, put your hand casually on your hip, or lightly touch his arm. When talking, make jokes that hint at romance rather than simple friendly conversation. Watch girls who use this style of flirting, and pay attention to the things they say or do. It’s all about being calm and confident.

The Cute type can be really fun, especially if you still have a bit of an immature side already. If he teases you, playfully pout and retort with your own taunt, or smack his arm (gently, of course). Playful banter turns the mood light and humorous, and this makes for fairly easy conversation. Suggest places you can go to have fun, and make sure he sees how excited you are about the subject. Pick a place that you really love, and describe it passionately. As long as you don’t prattle on about it for hours, many guys find this endearing, and most of the time the excitement is contagious.

Regardless of what type of guy he is, he’s still just a guy. It’s really a lot more difficult to approach him to begin with than keep the conversation going. So once you’re past the first step, the rest is much easier, guaranteed. No plan is completely foolproof, however. There is always a guy out there who will look at you in disbelief that you dared to speak to him. In these cases, though, he probably wasn’t worth your time anyway if he can’t even humor you with light conversation. You choose the guy, you start the talking…and see where it goes.