Back-to-school shopping doesn't hold the same terror that used to grip me every August. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that my children are in their 30's. My oldest grandchild is in pre-school so even my daughters-in-law haven't had a real taste of late-summer madness.
But I am not so old that I don't recall the insanity of shopping with kids for back-to-school clothes. I particularly remember the year my older son decided that the only jeans he wanted were ones that already had holes in them. My response was something like, “There is no way I am going to pay $30 for jeans that are already ripped. Over my dead body.” My son stomped off to the corner of the store, furious at his dumb mom, while his younger brother gave me the evil eye, trying to support the brother he had just socked in the arm.
It took me awhile, but finally shopping for school clothes got easier. I didn't particularly like all the clothes we bought, but then again, I'm certain my kids didn't like all my clothes. We did reach a compromise, though, and when I realized that it didn't have to be all my way - or all theirs - there was a peace that no amount of money could buy.
Before we went shopping, I would explain the ground rules. Each of my sons was told how much we would spend on clothes. Because my kids are 20 months apart, there was any problem making their budget the same. (If kids are more than a few years apart, one of them may have clothes in a higher price bracket and you might have to adjust the amounts accordingly. Try explaining that to kids without a battle and I will personally nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize.) After I explained the budget restrictions, I let them know that they could pick out anything they wanted but I had final approval. They were to pick out two items at a time and I would let them know if one or both were acceptable.
At first, I found myself approving the lesser of two evils. The hideous multicolored print shirt that looked like someone got sick to his stomach was preferable to the shirt with rips in the sleeves, guaranteed to make you look like a tough guy who survived a fight. The pants with the holes already in them were given a thumbs down in favor of the striped pants that looked like they came from the county jail.
After the first couple of rough years, something amazing happened. My kids either developed some taste, or they figured out what I would approve without gagging. They started bringing me clothes that actually looked good. My younger one would hold up a shirt in each hand and say, “Which one goes back mom?” To my surprise and his, I started responding, “neither. They're both okay.” My older son was also coming up with winners, although I think it had more to do with the fact that at age 10 he had already started noticing girls and wanted to impress them. Come to think of it, just about the same time he noticed girls he started bathing without an argument either.
The only battle left was the budget which in some cases had a little flexibility. Even then, kids are more understanding than we give them credit for when it comes to money. They may be upset when we don't like the style of the clothes they pick out but when we say, “I'm sorry, I don't have enough money to buy that jacket,” they seem to get it.
The compromise that makes back-to-school shopping bearable is this: You can have choices and so can mom. Pick out what you like and let mom decide which of your choice is the good one. Before you know it, they may actually develop taste and you can give a thumbs up with a clear conscience.
