Sifu Dansac Explains Nibiru

Do What, Sifu?

Some Laui may not have hear about Nibiru, maybe think Sifu taken in by mad conspiracy theory, but always Sifu is check him facts. Indeed, crazy conspiracy theorists is talk about Nibiru; more reputable scientist type people is call this planet "Eris", after ancient Greek Goddess of discord. You see Laui, planet Eris, AKA Nibiru, is in fact tenth planet of our solar system; check it out, scientists are all talk about it, new planet even make the TV news.

So What Are You Saying?

Calm down, Laui; Sifu will tell. This new planet is apparently on huge orbit around the sun, wider orbit even than Pluto; orbit of new planet is take 3500 years to circumnavigate our little star. Now, strange thing about Nibiru (or Eris) orbit is that is not circular, but elliptical; most of orbit is take planet far out into space, beyond range of many modern telescope. Incidentally, Laui, all planets is have slightly elliptical orbit, but Nibiru orbit is extreme ellipse, look like big egg-shape when drawn on picture.

There are three major theory about Nibiru (or Eris), which Sifu will deal with in order or craziness. Number One least crazy theory is that planet will appear in heavens above the earth very soon; according to some source, it is possible even now to see this planet with the naked eye from the southernmost places on the Earth, from where it look like little red dot in the sky. This not at all crazy notion, since it is possible to see Mars and Venus the same way at the right time of year. Between now and 2012, planet will gradually be visible further and further north, growing larger and larger, until it pass by the Earth and start to move further away, back along 3500 year orbit.

So far so good, especially for astronomer type Laui who like to watch that kind of thing. Here is second, medium crazy theory about mysterious planet; second theory is associate Eris to Classical goddess of same name. Eris is goddess of discord and chaos, sower of strife among human people; pictures of planet reveal strange rings, like those of Saturn. However, the rings of Eris are red, and curve upwards at the edged to resemble horns. Make of this what you will; Sifu say only that he has seen pictures. Sifu also say that pictures he has seen are unsubstantiated; your Sifu would be remiss to report as fact what could be cleverly manipulated photograph. Nevertheless, they were nice pictures and if least crazy theory number one is true, we should all be able to check for ourselves in due time by simply looking to the stars.

So What About Theory Number Three?

Brace yourself, Laui; this is where it all go crazy bonkers. Nevertheless, Sifu is do him research to give you only the very best facts that he can. Number three maximum crazy theory (Sifu is love him crazy theory); Planet Nibiru is in fact herald doom for all peoples of the Earth. Sifu first hear about Nibiru from Ninja friend. Ninja friend, who is usually of quite sober judgement, is come to Sifu with message of doom (All loyal Laui is also know much Sifu is love him message of doom). Ninja friend is say, “Sifu, forget all you politics and environmentalism; all problems on Earth due to impending approach of doom planet!”

Jesus H Tap-Dancing Christ, Sifu. What Have You Been Smoking?

Just the usual, Laui. Your Sifu is laugh at him Ninja friend and ask just the same question. Sifu is say, “Hey, man; what have you been smoking?” Ninja friend is adamant, so Sifu is have a good laugh and then sneak off to do him own research. Theory goes that there is gap in evolutionary theory. Some Laui may be aware of the "missing link" in Darwinism, the troublesome idea that there is no evidence whatsoever for the evolutionary leap from ape to man. Adherents of Nibiru doom-planet theory hold that this is due to genetic manipulation of life on Earth by aliens long, long ago.

Wait, Whoa, What?

Stay with you Sifu, Laui; all will become clear. Theory goes that 3500 years ago, people of Nibiru pass by the Earth and visit. This maybe not so nuts; it is only possible for people from Earth to visit Mars or any other planet at the right time of year. At the wrong time of year, planet is either too far away or on the other side of the sun. For to launch rocket from Earth to Mars require careful plotting of relative positions of both planets; that is logic. Therefore, assuming there is life on mysterious tenth planet, they could only visit Earth once every 3500 years, when their planet is close enough for to make the voyage; the rest of the time, Nibiru is way out beyond Pluto and impossible to reach by any means currently known to science.